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Herr Hedgehog

Art Samples
Character Breakdown
Lyrics Samples
Music Samples
Scene Sample
Synopsis
  


CHARACTER BREAKDOWN

Principals

FRAU GRETA BETTEL (“MOM”), HANS’ mother
HERR HANS BETTEL, a clever hedgehog
HERR JAKOB BETTEL (“DAD”), HANS’ father
HERR ADOLF HACKE, a fierce woodcutter
BARON GRAUSAM SCHWARZ, a nasty brat
FRAU ENTWERFERL ZIEREN, an artist

Supporting Players

ENTOURAGE, SCHWARZ’s hangers-on
FRAU HEBAMME, a midwife
LABORERS, workers under ZIEREN’s command
WOODCUTTERS, HACKE’s men

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SYNOPSIS

Act I

Scene 1

Herr Bettel nervously awaits the birth of his first child secure in the knowledge that “It’s Going to Be a Boy!” He fantasizes about the wonderful things he’s going to share with his son. The midwife enters and announces that Frau Bettel has given birth to a hedgehog.

Scene 2

Hans Bettel, now twelve years old and a fine specimen of hedgehoghood, sits and laments that he’s “Shy About the World” from which he’s been protected. His parents enter and tell Hans that they’ve been evicted from their land by Baron Schwarz, who plans to build a summer castle near the property. The elder Bettels leave to pack, but Hans ponders if it’s wise to run from this problem (“What’s Right?”). He resolves to fight the Baron.

Scene 3

Herr Hacke leads a group of woodcutters in the act of decimating the forest next to the Bettel farm. Each man armed with “Das Beil,” they are brought to a halt by the appearance of an angry Hans. Herr Hacke and Hans hold a contest of courage: Whoever cannot overcome the challenge set by the other must leave the forest. Hacke threatens to cut off Hans’ hands, but the hedgehog allows the violence, revealing that he has a set of human hands beneath the bestial pair. When Hans prepares to slice off Hacke’s hands in similar fashion (“Das Beil” [Reprise]), however, the woodcutters flee.

Scene 4

The Bettels enter the forest in search of Hans. Frau Bettel is most incensed that her only son has run away, but Herr Bettel knows the boy is doing what he feels is right. He finds Hans’ trail, but he leads his wife in another direction.

Scene 5

Hans comes upon Frau Zieren, the Baron’s architect and fashion designer. She is completing one of the castle’s walls according to her grand construction scheme (“All By Design”). She reveals that the wall depends upon a keystone to hold it in place, and Hans promptly kicks the keystone apart, causing the wall to collapse and sending Zieren offstage in a screaming rage. Some of the stonework falls upon Hans’ feet and pins him, but he escapes by slipping out of his hedgehog feet.

Scene 6

Frau Bettel realizes that her husband has been leading her in circles and she accuses him of actually wanting to lose their son. Herr Bettel confesses that he was once disappointed in his son, but he has grown to love the hedgehog as he would have a human child. He defends his current actions by telling his wife “You Have to Let Go” if Hans is to grow. She admits she’s been rather possessive, but she promises to do better once Hans has been found. Her husband leads her to Hans’ true trail, and they press deeper into the forest. When the parents are hidden by the trees, a crashing noise and a scream from Frau Bettel reveal that something dire has happened.

Scene 7

In a forest clearing, Herr Hacke and Frau Zieren defend the slow-down of their progress to Baron Schwarz, who is hidden within a shrouded palanquin. They claim to have been attacked by a monster (“Fiend of the Woods”). Hans arrives with a bloodcurdling howl, and the lackeys flee in terror. The Baron is unimpressed, and he emerges from his conveyance to say as much. He’s the same age as Hans, but he’s completely stripped of scruples, believing that might makes right (“Take What You Want”). Hans counters with the moral code he learned from his parents, and Schwarz reveals that he’s captured the Bettels for poaching and sentenced them to die. Desperate to save his parents, Hans challenges the Baron to a duel by playing on the aristocrat’s arrogance. Hans punctures the Baron when the two stand back-to-back and only releases Schwarz when the noble swears to leave the Bettel land alone. The Baron flees, pulling Hans’ skin off to reveal a mostly-normal boy. Hans’s parents praise him, and they all depart for home (“Hans, My Hedgehog”).

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LYRICS SAMPLES

"WHAT'S RIGHT?"

DEAR HOME. DEAREST HOME.
HOW CAN I LEAVE YOU?
SHOULD I DESERT YOU?
HOW FAR CAN I ROAM?
I KNOW I’VE WANTED
TO WANDER AROUND,
BUT NOW THAT I’M ABLE
I’D RATHER BE BOUND
TO THE WUNDERBAR LIFE THAT I KNOW.

WHAT’S RIGHT? WHAT’S RIGHT?
I’M FEELING CONFUSED.
HOW CAN WE LET ALL
WE HAVE BE ABUSED?
THE BARON SAYS: “GO!”
MY DAD SAYS: “DON’T FIGHT!”
I’M ONLY A HEDGEHOG,
BUT I WONDER WHAT’S RIGHT.

SWEET DAD. DARLING MOM.
YOU’VE BEEN SO GIVING.
YOU’VE SHOWN ME FEELING
IS HOW TO BELONG.
I HAVE A FEELING
THAT TELLS ME TO STAY,
AND I THINK THAT FEELING
IS POINTING THE WAY
TO DECIDING BETWEEN RIGHT AND WRONG.

WHAT’S RIGHT? WHAT’S RIGHT?
I THINK THAT I KNOW.
IT JUST ISN’T FAIR
THAT WE SHOULD HAVE TO GO.
THE BARON DEMANDS,
BUT HE ISN’T RIGHT.
I’M ONLY A HEDGEHOG,
BUT A HEDGEHOG CAN FIGHT!


"TAKE WHAT YOU WANT"

WHO ARE YOU TO STAND AGAINST MY WILL?
MASTERY’S MY ONE AND ONLY THRILL.
THERE’S NO STOPPING SCHWARZ.
HE’S LIKE A RUSHING RIVER’S COURSE.
STAND ASIDE OR PAY THE BARON’S BILL.

WHEN I SAY “I WANT IT!”,
I GET WHAT I WANT.
IF YOU HAVE POWER, FLAUNT IT
LIKE A DANDY DEBUTANTE,
OR YOU’LL FIND IT VERY BORING
DOING ANY KIND OF LORDING.
IF YOU HAVE THE MEANS,
THEN TAKE WHAT YOU WANT.

WHEN I WAS A TINY BARONET,
I DESIRED FANCY CLARINETS.
I RANSACKED EVERY SHOP.
I SACKED AND LOOTED TILL I DROPPED
AND NEVER EVER NEVER WAS I FAIR IN IT.

WHEN HE SAYS HE WANTS IT,
HE GETS WHAT HE WANTS.
HE’S MEGALOMANIACAL,
A DESPOTIC SAVANT.
HE CAN SNATCH THE VERY DREAMING
FROM A PERSON WITH HIS SCHEMING.
HE’S A BOY WHO ALWAYS TAKES WHAT HE WANTS.

I’VE HAD PEASANTS DROWNING IN THE RHINE,
SEARCHING FOR A PEBBLE THAT WAS MINE.
I’VE EVICTED ORPHANS,
TWENTY DÜSSELDORFANS,
SO I’D HAVE A PLACE TO PUT MY STEINS.

IT’S WHAT I WANT.
IT’S WHAT HE WANTS.
THAT’S WHAT I WANT.
IT’S WHAT HE WANTS.
I WANT WHAT I WANT.
CHANCES ARE AT ZERO THAT
YOU’LL CONQUER THIS ARISTOCRAT.

I WANT.
HE LOVES TO WANT.
OH, JA, I WANT.
HE REALLY WANTS.
I TAKE WHAT I WANT!
HE TAKES WHAT HE WANTS!


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MUSIC SAMPLES

Piano-Vocals (Digitals Only)

"Das Beil"
"What's Right?"

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SCENE SAMPLE

Act I, Scene 4

(Umgeben Forest. Mid-morning. Snapping underbrush explodes everywhere as a red-faced FRAU BETTEL smashes out of the thicker stands of trees. She wears a ludicrously puffy shepherdess’ hat and she carries a wicker basket under her arm. Brushing twigs out of her clothing, she drops the basket to the ground and then sits on it, wheezing mightily. HERR BETTEL enters in good order, his axe at the ready. Unlike his wife, the hike through the woods has produced in him a healthy glow. He begins a bird-call, forming a tunnel at his lips with his free hand.)

FRAU BETTEL

(Glaring blue murder.) Don’t you dare start chirping!

HERR BETTEL

I don’t see why not. Birds never stay around long if people are nearby. If nothing answers me, then we’ll know we’re on the right trail.

FRAU BETTEL

How can you go on tweeting and clucking and hooting like you do when our son is missing? Our only son, lost in the deadly woods. Don’t you care?

HERR BETTEL

Of course I care! But, really, Greta, you shouldn’t frustrate yourself. Hans is twelve years old, after all. That’s – what – nearly forty in hedgehog years?

FRAU BETTEL

He is not! Stop joking! Right now, he could be lying under a rotten old log with the ants crawling all over his eyes, in and out. My poor Hans.

HERR BETTEL

We’d move faster if you’d have left that basket behind.

FRAU BETTEL

Absolutely not! My little baby will need his strudel after his frightening ordeal.

HERR BETTEL

Whatever you say.

(HERR BETTEL begins to canvass the area, poking and prodding at the greenery.)

FRAU BETTEL

Now you’re just ignoring me. This is why Hans is gone. I told you we shouldn’t have told him about the move. We frightened him. I should have expected something like this. He’s not ready to deal with the worries of the world. He was crushed with disappointment.

HERR BETTEL

(Not really listening.) I doubt it.

FRAU BETTEL

Like you know better. I can feel it when he’s unhappy. It’s like a wave of cold water smashes down my back.

HERR BETTEL

(Feeling a twig.) How interesting.

FRAU BETTEL

That’s why you should let me lead. I can sense where he is. Your woodcraft isn’t getting us anywhere. “Berries-this” and “leaves-that” and “Guten Morgen, Herr Termite.”

HERR BETTEL

We’ve only been looking for ten minutes.

FRAU BETTEL

Ten of the sorriest minutes of my life.

HERR BETTEL

Really, Greta. (Probing a bush.) Hans leaves a very clear trail most of the time. Most everything waist-high sticks straight to his hide.

FRAU BETTEL

Don’t tell me about that. I’ve broken so many brushes on that hair of his. Even the oval one with the black handle, and that was a particular favorite.

HERR BETTEL

It won’t be long.

FRAU BETTEL

I don’t see that it’s wrong to care. I just want him back in my arms where he belongs, and we’re never letting him get away like this again. We’ll put bars on the windows at the next house. Nice, thick oak bars.

(Distracted by her vision of the future, FRAU BETTEL fails to notice that her husband has located HANS’ path. He looks back and forth from the path to his wife before deliberately knocking some detritus onto the trail to obscure it. He begins to exit in the opposite direction at a brisk walk.)

Have you found something?

HERR BETTEL

Absolutely. See the twigs, there? Hans went this way, and it looks like we’re not far behind! Hurry, Greta! (He calls loudly.) Hans! (More softly.) Hans. (Still softer, almost a whisper.) Hans.

FRAU BETTEL

Already? Wait, Jakob. Wait!

(HERR BETTEL exits, leaving FRAU BETTEL to collect herself in a mad rush.)

It’s just like I said. You never listen to a single thing I say. I might as well not say anything. Not a word. Don’t mind me. I’m just the wife who doesn’t matter. A little consideration would be a welcome change.

(Still grousing, she straightens her bonnet and exits after her husband. Blackout.)

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ART SAMPLES

Artwork is pending.

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